did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
