i barfeds in our rink
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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