Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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