Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
