Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
