I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
