Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
