we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
