you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
