1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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