I don't usually arrange sex via text message
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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