There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
