So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
