theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
