My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Green mimosas i think yes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
