You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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