Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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