the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
