He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
