Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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