you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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