Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
