Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
