im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
