Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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