Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
