I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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