I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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