i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Alive.
So much puke
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
