You can't special order awesome
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
