listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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