She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
