I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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