Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
