I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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