Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
