I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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