go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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