literally had 100 drinks last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
