Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
