Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
