I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
