How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
