Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
