i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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