my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
