I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
