If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
