Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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