I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
