i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
