remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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