so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
