Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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