she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
